Shadows
by Aksannyi
Summary: A young Hume embarks on an adventure to save not only her newfound companion, but also herself. Rating might change later on, but I'll keep it for now.
1. Chapter 1: A New Path

Disclaimer: Vana'diel and all the areas, races, jobs, etc. from Final Fantasy XI are not mine. I like them, though, so they're providing a vehicle from which I can write something that I hope others can enjoy.

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Shadows

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Chapter One: A New Path

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"Thank you everyone," I say to the group as we are packing up to leave our camp. "You've all done a terrific job tonight."

"Yeah, it was fun," Angorry, a Tarutaru samurai responded. "Can someone warp me back home, please? I'd really appreciate it."

We'd just finished a long chain of killing monsters to gain some experience in our fighting skills. It had been a long night, but a good one, as we all came out of the battles no worse for the wear and a little bit smarter in the ways of war. I'd even learned a new spell tonight.

"I'd be glad to warp you, Ango, just give me a second to regain some magic points," our black mage, and my fiancé, Utt, said. Utt is a strikingly handsome Hume with dark brown hair and a very strong jaw line that almost requires that I touch it on a regular basis. We had been planning our wedding for the past five months since we'd gotten engaged, and in the meantime, had spent time together on the battlefields learning the ways of magery. I was training in the ways of the red mage.

"I'll help you with that," I say to Utt, of his magic power dilemma. I chant Refresh and aim it at him, so that he can recover mana more quickly. "Does anyone else need Utt to warp them home?" I sit down to regain some of my own magic power. Although I can cast Refresh on myself, sometimes my tired legs just need the rest. The other members shake their heads, indicating they do not need Utt's help.

"I can get there myself, Ystannya, thank you." Temeeti, the white mage whom I'd just met that evening, was apparently partially skilled as a black mage and able to warp herself back home. She waves goodbye to the group, chants warp on herself, and disappears in a purple cloud. She was a pretty nice healer, and I made note of her name if I ever needed another white mage in the near future. You can never have too many friends with healing magic, even if you have your own.

Just as I am standing up, so is Utt, and he chants Warp on Angorry. Angorry bows to Utt and smiles as he disappears into the night. The ninja and the thief leave the group and begin to walk back to town together, and soon they are out of sight. Just Utt and I are left under the stars on this warm fall evening, and a crescent moon is glowing – no more than a fingernail, I think as I peer up at it.

Since we are alone, I sit back down and I motion for Utt to join me. He does, but instead of wrapping his arms around me as he normally does, he occupies himself with the things in his backpack.

"Sit down here," I say to him, and he shakes his head. "Why not?"

"Ystannya," he says to me, "I think we need to … talk." At 'talk,' he looks at me, and I do not like the look on his face. This is not going to be a good conversation.

I start to speak first. "What's wrong, honey?" He shook his head, as if in disgust.

"Don't call me that."

"What's going on?" I was starting to get nervous about what he could want, and why I couldn't call him honey. "Sweet-"

"Don't call me that, either." I could tell he was getting exasperated, and I couldn't figure out why. "Ystannya, there's no easy way to tell you this so I'm just going to say it."

"Say wha-"

"Don't interrupt me, damn it. I'm just going to tell you that I've met someone else." I was shocked, utterly shocked. "You're going to be angry with me, well, remember I said you should ask that white mage, Temeeti, to join us? Well, I've been seeing her for the past month and I wanted her to fight beside me."

"Right in front of my face?" Not only did he have the audacity to cheat on me, but he brought his little friend along with us during our battles!

"Well you know how I love a woman who fights beside me, through thick and thin, and, well, she's such a soothing healer," he said sheepishly. I made a mental note to remove Temeeti from my list of people I could call upon to battle with. Such a shame, because she really is a fine white mage.

"I can't believe it, Utt. What the hell happened?"

"She cured my wounds during a very difficult beastmen battle in Al Zhabi last month, and I admit I was drawn to her touch ever since. I've wanted to tell you, Ysti-"

"Please don't call me Ysti." I interrupted again, but I couldn't help it.

"I wanted to tell you right away but I couldn't do it, and, well, this seemed to be the only way. Or else letting you stumble upon us as we 'rested' behind the bushes earlier."

"WHAT?!"

"Well you always say that you never need to rest to recover your magic, so we crept away from the battle, as you were handling the magic casting quite well by yourself and we … well, we did … things. I've always wanted to do that during a battle, but like I said, you never seem to want to rest while there's a fight going on."

"Oh dear Altana, Utt, I don't even know what to say to you anymore." If the laws of combat were not set so that I could not battle him, I would have been casting some seriously painful magic right now. Unfortunately, all magic learned is learned with an inability to aim it at fellow adventurers. "So then … the whole thing's off, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Can I have the ring back, please? It has my name on it, and I'd like to give it to Temeeti."

Just because I can't cast magic on Utt doesn't mean I can't slap him, and I take the opportunity. "Well I certainly don't want your soiled, cheating name on my finger anymore," I tell him as I hand the ring back to him. I wouldn't miss it, I say to myself, after all, I could do better with a ring that enhances my magic casting instead of just announces a name to the world. Yeah.

"Ystannya quit it," he starts, but he doesn't finish. I can see that he is having trouble finding the words to break up with me. And suddenly, although I know it won't do me any good and it's only a temporary solution, I get an idea. I begin to cast Dia on a very difficult monster, and since Utt is still teamed with me, it's his battle, too. I cast an elemental spell on the monster to get it good and angry, and then I chant warp to myself and leave the monster to slaughter him. I smile as I see the monster turn toward him.

Yeah, it was childish, I think to myself as I arrive at my house, but it felt good, and he'll get over it.

I can already feel the pain starting to seep in as I realize that I, too, will get over it, but not as quickly as he will get over his recent defeat.

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_So I'm single again_, I muse to myself in my journal later that night. _I'm not exactly sure what to do with myself now that Utt has decided I'm not worth his time. I could have been happy with him …_

I put down the pen for a minute, trying to think of what else I could write, but the words don't come to me, and I close the book and put it away. There will be plenty of time now to write and I don't have to do it right this second.

So now what?

I had enjoyed going out to battle with Utt so regularly and it would be productive – at least – to continue to battle if I weren't so certain that I might run into him and his new lover in some future instance.

Was it really worth it to be an adventurer? Really, what am I gaining from all of this? Some experience and knowledge on the battlefield, but will I need it when I'm old, or will I feel like I have wasted my life?

At least when I had Utt I felt like there was some purpose to it all, like there would be something left after my life as and adventurer was over.

But now, what was there?

Of course I'm not going to give up the fighting life just yet. There's still so much to learn. But perhaps a break from the actual fighting would do me good. An exploring trip, perhaps? And just wander around places, chat with some of the locals, relax, and enjoy the nature around me. That sounds good. Well, good enough, I suppose. Good enough to take my mind of the black mage cheater and the little white mage who could - steal him, that is.

So it's settled, I think to myself, and before I know it I'm on an airship to Windurst, preparing for the first leg of my vacation around Vana'diel. And here goes nothing, I think in silent salute to this unwanted change in my course.

Here goes nothing.

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I walk down into the deep dark tunnels of the Eldieme Necropolis and a shiver runs down my spine. I'd never been in here before, and the creepiness of the place was getting to me. This was a burial ground for the fallen warriors of the Great War, and it seemed that the formerly dead were not happy to be there. I can't say that I blame them.

The monsters look pretty weak to me, so I know I have nothing to fear from running through the area. Still, as an added precaution, I cast Sneak on myself since I know that their undead eyes cannot see me, but their sense of sound is thus heightened. I don't really know what might be waiting for me as I venture further.

Things may not have been very good for me lately, but I still care for my life.

I run on, wondering why it was, exactly, that I'd come down here. Certainly not a desperate need to explore unchartered territory. Oh yes, of course. A San d'Orian friar staying in the Rarab Tail Hostelry asked me to run down here to check some flame or something. Well it's mundane, for sure, but surely better than doing nothing at all.

I run further down into the crypt when I see another adventurer, poised to attack. An Elvaan with a great sword held high in his hands, like a baseball bat ready to swing.

My sneak wears off, and he turns around instantly. Suddenly, I see that he is not just another adventurer like myself. His skin is dark black, and his eyes glow at me with the intensity of someone who was done wrong. He's a Shadow, a different form of undead monster I had heard about but never seen before. He runs toward me as though he is preparing to smack me with that enormous sword, and as I brace myself for the impact and prepare to defend myself, he stops running.

"What the hell?" I mutter under my breath, sighing in relief at the same time. The dark Elvaan is no more than three feet away from me now, and I'm terrified to move for fear that he will choose to attack me. I'm fairly sure he could defeat me, though I'd put up a hell of a good fight.

Still, I am puzzled as to why he did not attack me. I know that I am weak in comparison to him, and I am vulnerable at this very moment. I silently curse myself for being so careless with my magic.

Then, I hear it, barely above a whisper.

"You don't need to fear me," the undead Elvaan says to me. His voice is deep and startlingly strong for someone who is supposedly dead. I am taken aback by the fact that this – enemy – is talking to me.

"Um … okay?" I ask, pressing him to go on. This is unusual, to say the least.

"You and I both know that I could defeat you. Yet, I don't want to." His tone puzzles me. He sounds as confused as I feel. Well, at least I'm not alone down here, though I get the strange feeling of wanting to leave and wanting to stay at the same time. I begin to chant the Warp spell.

"Don't go," he says, interrupting my casting. Somehow, I feel compelled to listen to him, and I do not begin to cast anew.

"What do you want?" I ask him.

He smiles. Can Shadows smile? Well he does it anyway. "I just want to talk to you." He motions to another area of the dungeon, and I follow him. Behind a huge boulder, there is a small crevice through which he leads me. I am apprehensive, though somehow the undead Elvaan puts my mind at ease. He offers me a chair and I take it. Still, I do not put down my weapon.

"Relax, young Hume," he says, "I have no intention of harming you, and you are quite safe here. I am the only one in the entire Necropolis who knows about this room. This is where I spend my time when I do not feel like killing adventurers like yourself." I laugh nervously. "You can tell me your name," he adds.

"Ystannya," I say to him.

"Ystannya," he repeats. "Let me introduce myself. My name is Seade. I am an undead creature known as a Shadow. I was taken in the Great War while in a state of unconsciousness – defeat - and forced into submission by the Shadow Lord. Since he took me while I was down, he was able to convert me from the Elvaan I used to be, into this dead form that you see before you. Most of my companions are faithful to the Shadow Lord, but I was never fully transformed, and I dislike the fighting. I do it only because I have to. If I were to refuse to defeat an adventurer and I were caught doing so, I would be taken out of this place."

"Well how bad could that be?" I interrupted. I'll admit it, I was intrigued. A "beastman" who wasn't interested in killing?

"Not so bad at night, but during the day, well, you know what happens to vampires in light?"

"Yes."

"Well I don't want to die completely. This is a trap, yes, but I keep holding out hope that there will some day be a way to get out of here as an Elvaan again." I started to feel bad for Seade. How many years had he been stuck in this place, fighting for a cause he didn't believe in? How had he managed to live a lie for so long? Did all the beastmen have feelings? I stared at him quizzically. I wanted to know so many things.

"I, um … wow. I don't know what to say. That's awful." I really meant it. I actually wanted to help him regain himself. "How can I help you?"

"I knew you would understand me. Just one look at you and I could see that you would be the one to believe me."

"So that is why you stopped yourself from smacking me so suddenly," I said. Still, I did not know what it was about my face that would lead Seade to believe that I would help him.

"Yes, that's about all it is. And your little Hume face is too pretty for me to put this heavy sword through it," he adds. I feel myself blushing. Really, a beastman, flirting with me? I look at him, and as I meet his eyes I can see that he is merely teasing me. And then I feel stupid for thinking that he would look at me that way in the first place.

"So then …"

"Well I was wondering if you knew how to help me," he started.

"You want me to help you to do what?" I asked. I wasn't really following him.

"Become alive again. Not be a Shadow anymore." Once again, I felt stupid for not knowing this. Really, where was my brain tonight?

"Well, I wouldn't … um … know where to start, really, and … hmmmph. You really think I could help you out here?"

"Well," he began, "I would sure like you to try. You're the first person I've felt like I could even talk to, let alone ask. I've been here for years, and while I've gotten some interesting reading material off of other more careless adventurers than yourself, this is not where I want to spend eternity."

"But if you died, you'd be somewhere …"

"Not here, and not like this."

"Well …" I trailed off. He was right. He would have gone on to the afterlife, not living an undead life – hell of a life – in this necropolis. "What would you do if you were changed back?"

"I've often wondered that," he began. "I'm not really sure. I've been here for thirty-some years, never aging, doing nothing but patrolling these underground rooms with a bunch of other dastardly monsters. Reading in my spare time. Wondering how much Vana'diel has changed since the end of the war. Wishing I could take up my sword again, but on the right side of things. Great Altana, if only the superiors could hear me right now, I'd be dead, deader than undead. But you know, the unfairness of it! Not only did I never get the chance to finish my life, but if I'm stuck as a Shadow forever, I'll never get to really die. I'm in limbo. You can't imagine what it's like." He stops speaking, and I look at his face. I can tell he's been pondering this for several years. I could see the longing in his face to be free of this nightmare of a life.

"I suppose I can't," I say. It's true. How could I know what he has suffered? Sure, I'd suffered loss, too, the taste of which was still bitter in my mouth, but if I were to help Seade out, perhaps I could get the Utt thing out of my head.

"Then … will you?" Seade asks me, and I find myself nodding my head.

He smiles. Are Shadows supposed to smile? Well he smiles anyway.


	2. Chapter 2: The Quest Begins

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Chapter Two: The Quest Begins

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"I must have been pretty tired last night," I say out loud to myself as I hang up the armor I'd fallen asleep in last night. I don't make a habit of sleeping in my battle clothes, and now here I am, sitting around my rented room in my underwear waiting for my wet clothing to dry on a clothesline.

The events of last night came back to me rather quickly, and I remember that I had a new quest to undertake. Quests were nothing new to me, as I'd spent countless hours traversing Vana'diel in search of items and solutions for many a local who was too lazy – or scared – to do it himself, but I'd never taken one from an undead beastman before. Hell, most of the beastmen aren't particularly articulate enough to ask for the help of adventurers. The last time I tried speaking to an Orc … well, no wonder I bashed his head in with my sword. And looted his corpse of 21 gil, I remembered sheepishly. "Everybody does it," I rationalize, speaking out loud again. Would I be talking to myself now that I'd be spending more time alone?

Sitting down, I gathered my journal in my hands and began to write:

_Yesterday I met someone far more interesting than anyone else on Vana'diel, I'd surmise – even more interesting than that wacky Dr. Shantotto from Windurst. And I'll be the first to admit that she doesn't have all of her armor in the same mog safe. He is Seade the Shadow. Not a Shadow, not really, I suppose, but basically that's what he is._

_He wants me to help him. I can't imagine what made him think I'd be interested in helping him, but he must know something about Humes or he wouldn't have asked me, I guess. _

_How do I go about turning an Elvaan-turned-Shadow back into an Elvaan? Who would I even ask about something like that? _

I put down my pen.

Who _would_ I ask about that?

Where on Vana'diel would I start with this whole thing?

_Still, I know that I must help him, he seemed almost desperate to live again. But do I blame him? How must it be, to be alive but yet … not? To think and feel and love and hate and remember what it was to breathe and eat and sleep, but not be able to do such things? To be trapped in a cave for eternity, mindlessly – well, not mindlessly, obviously – killing adventurers as though it were a sport? _

_Living a shell of a life, it seems. _

I shudder.

_Almost like I would be living if I hadn't stumbled upon Seade, I suppose … YES, IT'S TRUE! … I suppose if I were to just wallow in my sorrow over Utt leaving me, I'd be living a shell of a life, too. _

Only I wouldn't have to.

_I don't have to. You know, I really think sometimes that things happen for a reason. Nothing is coincidence, they say. _

I put down my pen. I'm finished for now, as I have nothing more to write, and I put my journal back into my mog safe and lock it. I wear the key inside my armor, in a secret pouch no one knows about, not even Utt knew about it. I scowl as _his_ name rolls around in my mind.

Okay, so I'm not quite over being angry at the bastard. But at least I can keep my mind off him, and I'll bet, in time, I won't even miss him. Even though I know that I sure do miss him now.

Briefly I begin to wonder what he is doing, and how he is doing. Has he become more experienced on the battlefield than I; left me behind? Has he learned any new spells? Has he thought of me? Is he angry with me for leaving him to that enemy that surely mauled him? I laugh in spite of myself. It's not like me to be so vindictive, but for once I feel as though he really deserves it. 

My thoughts shift, as I begin to imagine what it felt like to be in his arms, when suddenly, I see the little red-haired white mage wrap her arms around him and turn him away from me, her stupid little Mithra tail softly floating in the breeze and wrapping itself around his leg.

"Cats," I sigh exasperatedly. And then I smile, because I realize that I'm no longer angry with Utt, but I'm angry at his new lover. But since I hardly know her, I know that it's useless to waste my time even thinking about her. I am well on my road to recovery, I think.

I get up and put my hand on the fabric of my pants, checking to see if they are dry. They are not. I sit down on the bed. It's little, but what should I expect in a room in Windurst? I sit down, pull my knees to my chest, and wrap my arms around them, thinking.

Who should I consult about Seade? I absently begin to twirl my hair with my finger and bite my lip. Tilting my head, I look upward as though the ceiling will give me answers. All I see is a cobweb claiming its rightful place in my free rented room.

Cobwebs. They're kind of pretty in their own right, if you think about it. They glisten in the early morning sunrise if they're outside, though I suppose not in here. Only if the light catches them right. They just kind of gather almost anywhere, making themselves quite abundant, and therefore useful for a many purposes. Cobwebs are used in leatherworking, clothcrafting, alchemy … alchemy …

The Alchemist's Guild! Of course!

I jump to my feet, and I check my armor one more time. It's still very damp, so I run to my mog safe and grab some older armor out. It's slightly outdated and it's not as strong as the armor dripping water on the floor, but it's at least better than running about Vana'diel in my underwear. I start to put it on.

My mind is running a mile a minute. The Alchemists must have something that can change Seade back to an Elvaan. Why, they make potions to silence people, to poison monsters, to cure, to grant attack boosts, to slowly kill an opponent, and the list goes on and on! They must be able to develop something to transform Seade from a Shadow and back into his usual self. And if they don't, well surely they can create something!

I finish zipping up my armor, grab my item pack and a sword, and I'm out the door. So my quest to revive Seade will begin in Bastok.

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I walk into the Alchemist's Guild in Bastok somewhat apprehensively. In all my travels, I'd never ventured to this part of Bastok, let alone inside this building. Alchemy had never really appealed to me, and on top of that, Utt was a member of the guild so I didn't really need to learn the trade myself.

Utt again.

No matter what I did, I couldn't erase him from my mind completely.

Shaking my head, I walk further inside the Alchemy building. It looks like the most skilled craftsmen work up the stairs, so I begin my ascent. As I reach the top, I see several crafters busy in the pursuit of creating the latest in potion technology.

I can't think of a better place to find help for Seade.

My eyes wander the room for a guildsman I could approach for information. At first my eyes settle on three adventurers engrossed in crystal synthesis. I dismiss the idea of asking them right away. Adventurers are not as skilled as guild members who spend all of their time on their craft, and crystal synthesis is the lowest form of crafting. Next I see a Tarutaru holding a notebook. She appears to be tabulating some sort of points system, and looks far too busy for me to bother her. I scan the room further, and see two other Hume workers, one tabulating figures on a blackboard, and another one mixing some potions and writing down his results. They appear to be smart and are probably quite skilled, but since they are so young I doubt they have the experience I am looking for. I need someone who knows everything there is to know about Alchemy.

As I am about to give up and return downstairs in pursuit of someone to help me, an old woman speaks up from behind me.

"May I help you?" the older woman asks, and I turn around to face her. Perfect, I think to myself, she must have years of experience. Hell, she's old enough to be my grandmother. Which reminds me, It's been a while since I've visited my nana. I'd have to make a trip home soon.

"Yes," I reply. "Hi. My name is Ystannya, and I've come to ask if you could help me with something."

She smiles, and I get the feeling she's going to be able to help me just from watching her reaction. "Ah, well, dear, let's see what I can do for ya. My name is Azima. You wanna come and sit down somewhere?"

"Yes, thank you." Azima leads me slowly down a hallway and into a private room with two chairs, obviously reserved for meetings of some sort. I can't even begin to ponder what alchemists might need to have meetings about. Or maybe the room is reserved for meetings such as this, where someone has come in search of the perfect concoction. Azima patiently waits for me to have a seat before she seats herself, and I feel a bit guilty that I've dawdled so much that she couldn't sit down.

"So, what is it that I can help you with?" she asks me. Here we go, I think. I take a breath.

"Well …" I start. "This is going to sound very strange, but I need some sort of concoction, and so naturally I came here first. I'm not even sure if such a thing exists, I mean, who would ever have need for something like this anyway and why would you develop something that no one has a need for and, well, maybe it's a long shot but I just wanted to ask if you could maybe find something that-"

"Slow down, dear, I can hardly understand with you talking in circles like that." I realize that I had been rambling. Am I really that nervous? Come on, Ystannya, you can do this.

"Okay. Sorry. I just … you have no idea how strange all this is to me – and how strange I feel this is going to sound to you."

She smiles patiently, and nods. "I've heard some interesting things in my time, child. You might not bring me as much of a shock as you think." I am suddenly at ease, and I feel like I can talk to this old woman.

"All right. Here I go then," I start. Azima nods in encouragement, and I continue. "Yesterday I was wandering through the Eldieme Necropolis when I came upon a Shadow. Do you know of Shadows?" I ask her. I wouldn't want to lose her this early.

"I've heard of them, but I've certainly never seen one. The undead folks, they look like us, only black. You actually saw one of those?" I can tell she is a bit spooked. I suppose that, to someone who has not seen things through the eyes of an adventurer, the very thought of a Shadow would be pretty disturbing.

"Yes, and not only did I see one, I spoke with him. I came to find out that this Shadow I spoke with was not always a Shadow. He was a San d'Orian warrior during the Great War who was kidnapped during a state of unconsciousness and transformed from his Elvaan state into the Shadow he is now."

"How fascinating!" Azima no longer looks disgusted, but intrigued. I can tell this sort of thing is right up her scientific alley. I smile inwardly; knowing I've found my help.

"Yes … I suppose it _is_ fascinating. I didn't really see it that way; I was really just trying to see what I could do to help. Imagine, knowing life and knowing death, but never truly being at rest. Seade – that's his name – well, he wants me to try to turn him back into an Elvaan." I look closely at the old woman seated before me, trying to gauge her reaction to what I've just said.

"Hmm, how interesting," she murmurs, looking downward, then back up at me. "But I'm afraid I don't know of anything that can do such a thing."

"Would you know how to develop something?" I ask her. I am disappointed that something doesn't already exist, but I try not to let it show. There might be hope for Seade in the intellect of this old woman.

"I do love a challenge!" She laughs, and I can't help but chuckle along with her. "There are several materials on Vana'diel that I've never gotten my hands on, and I do not know what properties they possess. Why, you could fetch me some of them, I'm sure, and I could send some of these other adventurers out to fetch me some other objects I might need. I'd love to test new materials. It has been hundreds of years since we have conducted any alchemical experiments with almost any raw material from the Empire in the Near East. Oh! I would surely kill to try my hands in some of them!"

"So you'll try it?" No way this could be happening – this was too easy!

"I can't guarantee anything, that's for sure. Most of my work will be testing raw materials, discovering their properties, and how to use those properties to enhance or react with other materials. You are not an alchemist, are you?" I shake my head. "It's a complex process." I had to smile just a little at this old woman, she sounded like a child who was trying to sound smart by telling you all he knows.

She grabbed a piece of parchment in one hand and started making a list, from what I could tell, and soon she handed the sheet over to me. Her writing was awful, but I could mostly make it out. Damned Bastokers always did have the worst handwriting. They must be taught by the meaty-handed Galka how to hold a pen during their early childhood.

"Get me these items, as many of them as you can. I don't know where you can get them, except over near Al Zhabi somewhere. I imagine some of them might be quite difficult to obtain, but if you bring these back to me, I will see what I can do for your Shadow friend." Friend? I guess he was, sort of.

"Thank you, ma'am." I said as I folded the parchment and put it in my bag. I would have to get right on the search for these items, but first, a trip to the necropolis to report my findings to Seade. He'd be delighted to hear that I had such progress so soon. I gave my item pack a good shake as I strapped it onto my back, and I walked down the stairs and out of the Alchemist's Guild building.


End file.
